There is Only Us
we all want to love and be loved... that's it
This is an essay from my archive. I’m still writing an essay about violence but couldn’t finish in time to be this week’s post. Not about violence in the world but the violence within me as I look at violence in the world. Though I felt I “should” make a statement about what’s in the news now, I didn’t want to.1 I want to attend to the only violence I have any hope to control, namely the violence in my own heart, which is more difficult to grapple with and admit to.
In the meantime, I’m sharing this short essay centered around a story from meditation teacher, Tara Brach.
You can listen to this essay here:
On an episode of her podcast, meditation teacher, Tara Brach, read an essay written by Oriah Mountain Dreamer, story teller and author of The Invitation.
First Brach sets up the story:
At the end of day-long workshop a woman named Isabel goes up to Oriah and asks, Can I meditate on my own? Oriah replies, Yes, but many people find it helps to be part of a group, it’s just hard to keep up the discipline on your own.
The woman persists, What will it give me? What will I get if I do this every day? The back and forth continues. Oriah is exhausted. She feels she’s done enough for this stranger who doesn’t seem to be listening to anything she’s been told.
Then Brach reads Oriah’s essay:
I picked up my bag and began buttoning my coat. I really did have to leave and wanted to get out while I was still feeling virtuous for not snapping her head off.
But as I started to move away, Isabel reached out and grabbed my arm with surprising strength. “But what I want to know is,” she said, her voice rising in a crescendo that bordered on real panic, “Will it help me find god? If I meditate will I have an experience of something or someone out there listening, something really with me?”
A wave of desperation swept out from her through me and I was surprised to find my eyes filled with tears. This woman wasn’t looking for an easy answer, or a guaranteed formula, because she was lazy. She didn’t want a simple plan because she was unable or unwilling to think critically about what would work. She wanted something she knew would work quickly because she was hanging on by her fingernails. She wanted something that would work in a week because she was afraid she simply wasn’t going to make it for months or years.
I put my hand gently on Isabel’s where it gripped my arm. “It’s OK, Isabel. We all feel desperate at times. Nobody does it by themselves. We all need help.”
Her hand relaxed a little beneath mine and she started to cry. We talked for a while longer.
There is no them, there is only us. When I left, I did not leave one of them, I said good-bye to one of us—a human being doing the best she can, searching for the home for which all our hearts long.
We all want to love and be loved.
That’s it.
Beside being a passionate writer of this bi-weekly Substack newsletter, I’m also a life coach helping clients realize transformational change. And as emotional wellness coach I help people with type 1 diabetes, and those with eating disorders (there is often an overlap) develop wellbeing practices based in mindfulness. If you would like to know more about my work, schedule a free discovery session, find me on LinkedIn, or message me through Substack.
See On the Media’s Oct 31 episode on The evolution of Opinions Online and “Statementese.”